So in all of the confusion surrounding my move to California, I paid very little mind to the fact that I have an engagement party to go to on Long Island at the Huntington Townhouse. Thanks to Chaqui's constant reminder that we needed a gift and we needed to decide on attire, I realized that I am woefully unprepared for this event.

My days working as a writer have left me with an unrealistic perception of what "formal attire" is (i.e. khakis and a shirt with buttons) and has left me in a physical condition that is embraced a little too tightly by the one suit I do own.

In the American tradition of placing the blame squarely on the shoulders of others, I blame our capitalist system and its willingness to blindly accept the saturation of fast food establishments across this great nation of ours. Damn corporate tyranny!

If a national fitness program had been implemented for adults similar to the one in place in our country's schools, this never would have happened.